A little help

So, I have reached a point. A point that tells me I can no longer count solely on myself to create the change I need for myself. I have chosen not to blog, lately, because I am ashamed. I am not going to post any pictures today, because I am ashamed. The only measurement I will post is... 286. That is how much I currently weigh in pounds. I am not happy. In fact, I am disgusted in myself and am feeling depressed. I just want to stay in bed, and sleep. I don't want to do anything else. I actually turned down an opportunity to spend time with a friend of mine, why? Because I am disgusted with myself so much, that I don't want anyone to see me. I even wonder why my loving fiancé is still with me. I am not giving up though. I am seeking help. It is very important to keep trying. I have asked my doctor for a referral to see a specialist. I have been given a requisition for blood work, and I have a complete physical booked for tomorrow. He will then send me to see someone at one of the hospitals in this city. I am so desperate, than I am willing to try almost anything. I will be healthy!

Month # 2

So, I am a little late posting this month.  Or really late. The truth is, I don't feel like I  have lost any weight or that any of my measurements are smaller in the slightest amount. So, I will not be posting them this month.

I am not disappointed with myself though. I may not have seen any physical results, but I have been more successful with my main goal. I have been very careful about the milk in my diet. It's still not completely gone, but with my next goal, it will be.

I feel like I am still allergic to something... My skin is itchy, my hair is falling out quicker than normal, my eyes are irritated, my nose, ears and throat are bugging me, and I'm very twitchy. Time for me to find the allergen(s).

I have found some yummy non-dairy products that are not full of soy. (I am avoiding soy due to the estrogen found in it.)  Almond milk... good on cereal, in smoothies, but can only drink a glass of it if it's chocolate flavoured. Almond yogurt... delicious but kind of expensive, so it is only a treat. Coconut ice cream... It's not exactly the same as ice cream, but I still like it. It is very expensive, so I will not buy it often. Not all stores carry these items, so I have to go to a grocery store that carries a good selection of organic foods and health food items. I was told to be careful when buying this stuff, to read the labels still. Some of theses 'health foods' still have crap in them.

My New Goal

My new goal will definitely take the remaining milk products out of my diet. I am slowly going to take all sugar and starch out of my diet for a little while. I'll call it a cleanse. During this cleanse, I will only eat vegetables and meat. But, in order to make sure my body doesn't spaz out on me, and crave everything, and send me into fits of illness, I will take the sugar and starch out slowly. And yes, I am receiving help with this from a friend. I guess you could say we are helping each other. She is helping me get a healthy body, I am helping her get good grades in school. I hope she will still help me when she's finished with her project... LoL.

Wish me luck. I am going to take my time with new goal, but not too much time. I have a life to live, and I am not going to stop living it. I am going to start living it better with a healthier and more fit self. No more procrastinating! Just get it done! There's a better me hiding inside this current body!

Day#1 - September 1, 2012

Today is the beginning of a new month. My measurements are very embarrassing for me.

breast:  123cm 

Waste: 122cm

hip:  140cm

weight:  279lbs

These measurements are my worst yet!!

My goal this month is to completely give up on milk products, and to stop binge eating in front of the television.

My Story

When I was a child, I was never found just watching the television. I was always outside climbing trees, playing in puddles, riding my bike, or playing with my sister. I was not the type of kid to just sit around the house eating, watching movies, and just being lazy. That is where I am today. My typical day starts out by waking up, watching the television, getting ready for work, going to work, coming home, watching the television, and going to bed. While I watch the television, I binge on anything I can find quickly. I don't know why, but I find myself constantly looking for food, with the exception of when I first wake up in the morning. I usually don't feel well when I first wake up, so I usually don't eat anything until I've been awake for a couple of hours. While I'm at work, there is definitely no consistency. Sometimes I eat the way I should, but most of the time I hardly eat anything, and sometimes I just eat junk. You know, the stuff that should just stay in the store because there is no nutritional value to it. I guess I should mention that I am a nurse, and I work in a retirement home. 

The reason I want to change now... well, I've never been happy when I've looked into a full length mirror. I am never comfortable when I have to sit in a normal sized chair. I no longer wish to have acne all over my chin., and I want to have a baby. When I already weigh as much as I do, I don't know if my body can handle the added weight that comes with being pregnant. It would also be great if I could be the kind of mom that encourages my kids to be active and healthy without being a hypocrite.

My Plan...

I am going to stop watching so much television. I am only going to use the computer for writing in my blogs, planning my wedding, checking my e-mails, etc... I will no longer play useless games on Facebook.  Media will be kept to a minimum... unless it's the radio. I just love to dance.

I am going to change the way I eat. I already can't have anything with milk in it... allergies. But I don't always look at the ingredients. I am going to plan healthy meals that include lots of vegetables, and very little starch. I may even try to eat organic, so I don't consume so many pesticides and preservatives. I have also noticed that sugar make's me emotional, and moody. So the refined sugars have to leave too. So the foods that I currently eat, that have to go, are bread, cookies, candy, chips, canned soup, noodles, and anything with milk ingredients.

I am going to start doing something, for a minimum of 30 minutes, each day. these things may include biking, walking, Zumba, dancing, Pilates, etc. I am also going to take some time each day to work on organizing my papers that have been stuck in boxes for the last year. I have a filing system, time to start using it.

I am only going to measure myself once a month. My measurements will include my weight, height, and waist. I will also include anything that I find exciting. I will also post a picture each month. Please be encouraging. I respond negatively to criticism, but positively to encouragement. I am posting my life for all to see, for the pure reason that I need to prove myself in order to succeed.