A little help

So, I have reached a point. A point that tells me I can no longer count solely on myself to create the change I need for myself. I have chosen not to blog, lately, because I am ashamed. I am not going to post any pictures today, because I am ashamed. The only measurement I will post is... 286. That is how much I currently weigh in pounds. I am not happy. In fact, I am disgusted in myself and am feeling depressed. I just want to stay in bed, and sleep. I don't want to do anything else. I actually turned down an opportunity to spend time with a friend of mine, why? Because I am disgusted with myself so much, that I don't want anyone to see me. I even wonder why my loving fiancé is still with me. I am not giving up though. I am seeking help. It is very important to keep trying. I have asked my doctor for a referral to see a specialist. I have been given a requisition for blood work, and I have a complete physical booked for tomorrow. He will then send me to see someone at one of the hospitals in this city. I am so desperate, than I am willing to try almost anything. I will be healthy!